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mdlove
Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 3,425

    07/10/09 at 08:24 PM
 #76

i just had a good laugh
our daughter was on the phone and asked how our cat miracle was
i told her she was getting better but is older and recovering slowly

my wife walked in the room and heard part of the conversation and wanted to know, "are you talking about me?"
i enjoyed that one. i did tell her it was miracle i was talking about
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bernie siegel
tortoise
Registered: 12/01/08
Posts: 263

    07/11/09 at 04:46 PM
 #77
Yes, very funny, Bernie. Really very funny!  As I can imagine such a happening as it happens to us. It's these ordinary things that are the funniest in life! 

And about phone conversations:  I have a bad habit of listening in to Lucette's telephone conversations.  Can't help myself!  I didn't know it but to shock me she'd told a friend of my bad habit and so when I was nearby they started talking about me as they'd planned.  Must admit I couldn't believe my loving wife would say such things, but then the conversation got ridiculous and she started laughing and I knew it was all to teach me a lesson.  Well, I'm off the computer for a while now.  Lu is supposed to come out of hospital tomorrow and we are going away for a couple of days.  It was supposed to be a surprise for Lu but last night a four year old gave it away as a "secret" to Lucette.  Keep laughing, keep smiling!
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John
tortoise
Registered: 12/01/08
Posts: 263

    07/11/09 at 04:51 PM
 #78
I forgot to post Lucette's joke in last post:

She read this in a magazine:
"I am an assistant housemaster at a boarding school and often go above and beyond the call of duty for the good of the boys.
   However, even I baulked when I read a note the headmaster left in my office while I was taking a lesson:  "Dear Colin, I've gone to the hospital with Alex.  He has a swollen testicle.  I'd be grateful if you kept it under your hat."
__________________
John
Vicki
Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 433

    07/11/09 at 05:21 PM
 #79
What if the thing hatched!
rvandenbosch
Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 3,498

    07/11/09 at 09:16 PM
 #80
An older Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate their
55th anniversary. He says, "So what would you like, Bobbie? 
A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace? "She says, 
"Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
__________________
Wishing you love & peace,

Ruth
lucette
Registered: 05/24/08
Posts: 1,218

    07/15/09 at 07:31 PM
 #81

Maybe a very faint smile, maybe? ... ... ...



A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

I fired my masseuse today.  She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion .

When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Banning the bra was a big flop.
__________________
Love and Peace,
Lucette.
lucette
Registered: 05/24/08
Posts: 1,218

    07/15/09 at 07:55 PM
 #82
And maybe with these, even a fainter smile ... ...


Q: Why was the blonde staring at a shelf in Woolies?
A: She was buying laundry powder and it said concentrate.

Q: Why did the blonde keep an empty milk jug in the fridge?
A: Just in case someone wanted black coffee.

A blonde tourist walked into Harvey Normans and asked to buy a PM radio. Thinking this must be a new kind of radio overseas, the salesman said, "What does it do?" She replied, "It plays at night. I already have an AM radio for the day."


A blonde tourist wanted to try out water skiing for the first time. So she rented a pair of water skis and paid for lessons. As she was leaving, she turned and asked the shop owner where the lake with a slope was.
__________________
Love and Peace,
Lucette.
Betty
Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967

    07/15/09 at 10:01 PM
 #83

Lucette, you got a Big Smile from me, and a couple of LOLs too! 


__________________
Live your Bliss
Betty
beth
Registered: 04/24/06
Posts: 2,508

    07/17/09 at 08:24 PM
 #84

"Life is just like an ice cream cone - you have to lick it one day at a time."
~ Charlie Brown
__________________
Beth
mdlove
Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 3,425

    07/23/09 at 11:20 AM
 #85

Spread the Stupidity Only in America  .......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

___________________________________

 

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

 

___________________________________

 

 

 

Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

 

___________________________________

Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

___________________________________

 

Only in America .......do we buy hot dogs in packa ges of ten and buns in packages of eight.

___________________________________

 

Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering..

___________________________________

 

EVER WONDER ...

 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens

our skin?

___________________________________

 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

___________________________________

 

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

___________________________________

 

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

___________________________________

 

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

___________________________________

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

_______________________ ____________

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

___________________________________

 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

___________________________________

 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?20

___________________________________

 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

___________________________________

 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

___________________________________

  < /div>

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! =0 D

___________________________________

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

___________________________________

 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

___________________________________

< /div>

 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

___________________________________

 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

___________________________________

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the20stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuck le)....in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while keep it going!


__________________
bernie siegel
rvandenbosch
Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 3,498

    07/23/09 at 01:03 PM
 #86

Very oldie, but goodie.  Thanks.
__________________
Wishing you love & peace,

Ruth
Betty
Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967

    07/23/09 at 02:17 PM
 #87
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
 
Because PSYCHICS don't play the lottery.          
 
 
__________________
Live your Bliss
Betty
Betty
Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967

    07/23/09 at 02:18 PM
 #88

How do I know, you ask?  Because I'm psychic.  Hee Hee
__________________
Live your Bliss
Betty
lucette
Registered: 05/24/08
Posts: 1,218

    07/24/09 at 02:30 AM
 #89
Yes, I will 'spread the stupidity'! Until now I thought Aussies were the only "Stupid" people because a few months ago I got this in an email. It's the same with a different ending.  So we're not so different after all!!

ONLY AUSSIES

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for A Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or A Turkish kebab, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

Oh and...... Only in Australia ... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an   ambulance.

Only in Australia ... Do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Australia ... Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Australia ... Do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Australia ... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and   lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

NOT TO MENTION....

3 Aussies die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Aussies are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Aussies have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

8 Aussies had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Aussies were admitted to Emergency in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

And finally.........

In 2000 eight Aussies cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
__________________
Love and Peace,
Lucette.
Betty
Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967

    07/24/09 at 08:49 AM
 #90

Yes, Lucette.  It just goes to show you that (one of my favourite sayings) wherever you go, there you are! 


__________________
Live your Bliss
Betty
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