lucette Registered: 05/24/08
Posts: 1,218
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| #46 |
GOD MADE MOMS Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of ? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot. 2 She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms & dads? 1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your mom do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mom perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. __________________ Love and Peace,
Lucette. |
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Betty Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967
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Betty Registered: 03/24/09
Posts: 967
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| #48 | Jonathan lived on a farm and was having problems getting along with his family, so one day, he decided to go and talk to the rabbi.
He knocks on the rabbi's door, and the rabbi says, "Come in." So he goes in, and he tells the rabbi, "I just don't know what to do. My wife and kids are driving me crazy!"
So the rabbi says, "Bring in the donkey."
Jonathan goes home and brings in the donkey. The next week he goes back and says to the rabbi, "I don't know how this is supposed to help. The donkey is crapping all over the house, and he's making a hell of a lot of noise!
"Bring in the chickens and the rooster," says the rabbi.
Jonathan goes home and brings in the chickens and the rooster.
The next week, Jonathan goes back to the rabbi and says, "What the heck? I'm going insane!"
"Bring in the geese and the cow," says the rabbi.
The next week Jonathan goes back to the rabbi.
"Rabbi!" he says, "I know that you are a wise man, but now I'm beginning to wonder. I've done everything that you've asked, and still I have no peace.
So the rabbi says, "Now go home and let all of the animals out."
So Jonathan goes home and does as he is told.
The next week he goes back to the rabbi and the rabbi asks, "So how is it now with your family?"
"Oh Rabbi," says Jonathan. "I love them so much! Everything is so quiet now. Thank you. Thank you!"
The rabbi says, "You're welcome. Now you can donate $500. to the synagogue." __________________ Live your Bliss
Betty |
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rvandenbosch Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 3,498
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| #49 |
Thanks for the cute jokes! __________________ Wishing you love & peace,
Ruth |
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Rose2 Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 202
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| #50 | CM and CD, I am very proud of myself. In 18 months I have lost 89.6 pounds! I lost 9.4 pounds this past week! I love weight watchers. Rose
__________________ Love to you all, Rose |
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rvandenbosch Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 3,498
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Rose2 Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 202
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| #52 | Thanks Ruth, you made my day today! I just got back from Dallas - more doctors! Rose is smiling though! Love, Rose __________________ Love to you all, Rose |
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Vicki Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 433
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| #53 | Rose, I bow to your courage and your spirit. With every step you take towards your own healing, you heal the world. And that's a fact. |
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Rose2 Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 202
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| #54 | Oh Vicki, Thank you for your precious words. It means the world to me. Good news! I do not have to see my neurosurgeon until this December and then get an MRI before I see him. I am thrilled! Thank you so much. Love you. Rose __________________ Love to you all, Rose |
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mdlove Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 3,425
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| #55 |
They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins and Announcements!
Thank God for those who do our church bulletins and prepare announcements for church services; they make our day. (Summer, 2007 Release).
---------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' -------------------- ------ -------------------------------- Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. -------------------------------------- -------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. --------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. --------------------------- ------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' --------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. ---------------------------------------- ------ ----------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------------------------------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.. ------------------------------------------------ --------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- ------ --- ------ ----------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. Is done. ---------------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. --------------------------------------------------------- - Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance. ----------------------- ----------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'. __________________ bernie siegel |
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patg Registered: 06/20/04
Posts: 286
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| #56 | I love the MOMs piece, Lucette. Thanks for sharing! 
Pat
__________________ Pat G. |
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Rose2 Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 202
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| #57 | Lucette, thank you for sharing the piece about how the kids defined things. It was a hoot! (That means "funny" basically) I laughed about it all while reading it. You are something special. Love, Rose __________________ Love to you all, Rose |
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Vicki Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 433
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| #58 | Bumper Sticker:
I childproofed my house but they still get in.
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Rose2 Registered: 01/31/09
Posts: 202
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| #59 | Vicki, Cute! Rose
__________________ Love to you all, Rose |
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mdlove Registered: 03/13/04
Posts: 3,425
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| #60 | that's why it says on all the prescription medications
KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN __________________ bernie siegel |
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