A Blonde
   A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she
   decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
   She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and
   told him, "I've kidnapped you."
   She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow
   morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree
   next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A
   Blonde."
   The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home
   to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and
   sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The
   Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,
   "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

OK Beth!  I can't help it that I'm blond!  The last joke was gross!  20#'s of baby poop...charming!

A couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn't

have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided to just

go back to their new apartment after the wedding. The groom had three 

close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. 

One being a carpenter, the other an ordinary guy, and the third a dentist.

They all decided to pull practical jokes on their newly married friends. 

The carpenter decided he would cut the slats in the bed so that when

they climbed into bed, the bed would collapse. The ordinary guy decided 

to short sheet the bed, so that when they got into it their feet 

wouldn't reach the bottom. The dentist chuckled and wouldn't tell 

anyone what he planned to do. A week later the 3 friends all received 

letters in the mail. "Dear friends, we didn't mind the fact that when we 

got into bed, the bed collapsed, or the guy that short sheeted it, 

but I'm gonna kill the bastard that put the novacaine in the KY Jelly!" 

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

I guess they don't understand my good intentions ...

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?

He has an Adam's apple that isn't an apple

Two calves that will never become cows

A nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhere

A roof of the mouth that won't cover anything

Twenty nails that won't hold a board

A chest that won't hold linen

Two boobs that won't give milk 

Two buns that won't feed anyone

A belly button that won't button

Two balls that won't roll

An ass that won't pull a plow

An organ that won't play music

A cock that won't crow

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.

They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. 

What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

  Thanks for giving the blond jokes a rest until tomorrow!